When we made the decision to pursue and adoption from Haiti, this was not a decision that was taken lightly. We were not acting on a whim or emotions, but fully believe that we were responding to Gods calling, His asking of something of us, His placement of a desire within our hearts. Within our home study you have to outline age ranges and the sex of the child or children you are comfortable with. We really felt we were most comfortable with a 0-3 year little girl. Carrie, our social worker, very quietly and subtly encouraged us to consider a wider range so as to not limit ourselves. What she said made sense, but really we believed we were going to adopt a little girl. I believe if you ask Carrie, she would say she always knew we were going to adopt more than one child. Carrie has had amazing discernment through this experience.
A few months later, a brother and sister set were brought into GLA after the mother had died that same day. Ryan and I read the stories and look at the children daily, but these two children, who we called Gwen and Woodley, absolutely struck a cord within our hearts. We were smitten. We, not very aggressively, pursued the possibility of adopting these two children. The door never really opened and it never really closed either. We began to realize some of the benefits that a sibling set might have. If our children were being adopted and moved to a foreign land with foreign people, wouldn't we want them to have someone with them? Wouldn't we want them together? We now firmly believe that God used Gwen and Woodley (who were 2 and 3 years old by the way) as a way to open our hearts to what He really had in store for our family. We had come to the conclusion that we felt siblings were the right fit for our family, but we still felt that they would be babies or toddlers.
The orphanage finally began releasing what they call "waiting children" lists to the social workers at the agencies to see if any of the families would be a good match for these children. "Waiting children" tend to be the ones that are a little harder to match with families, such as older children. We had received 2 or 3 little girls and boys that were around the age of 2 yrs. and while they were precious, they just didn't feel like the "right match" for our family. We believed God would clearly tell us who those children were going to be.
Carrie sent us an email one day and said that she realized these children were our of our age range etc. but she just felt strongly that we should read about them and pray for them. She said she just thought we would like the opportunity to pray for them specifically separate from our adoption. We pray for many of the children at GLA specifically, knowing they are not the ones for our family but following their stories and feeling connected to them anyway. It never occurred to me when I began reading their bio that we would even consider a referral for them...they were 9 and 10 years old, but we would sure pray for them. Well, by the time I got to the bottom of their bio I was sobbing and my heart was feeling "something different and strong" and then I scrolled down to their picture and knew I was in trouble. I forwarded the email to Ryan without any other messages from me, and he called about 5 minutes later and said "ummm Rori, we need to talk about these children. There is something there."
My prayer was that if these were the children for us that God would release my desire for a younger child. I was absolutely willing to let go of that if that was what God wanted. If the desire for a younger child was placed by God within me, then I prayed He would have me hold strong to that and know that Judith and Kerby were not the children for us. After a few weeks of prayer and God working with my heart, I had complete peace and confidence that all along God had been preparing our hearts for Judith and Kerby...they were the children for us. Ryan almost immediately felt this was the case and had come to this conclusion earlier than I had. When we decided to move forward, there was a sense of peace that is indescribable within our family. We have had numerous conversations with our 3 M's (Molli, Mason and Mark), shared real feelings, real concerns etc. and felt that we have given the kids a real, safe voice throughout this whole process. God is either calling our whole family or he is not. We have done our best in this area and we just pray that the kids have felt a safe place to share all their feelings and that they too feel this is the right thing for our family.
We believe that God knew if from the beginning He said we were going to adopt 2 pre-teenage children from Haiti, there would have been a good change we might have just shut Him down. We believe He used Gwen and Woodly to till the soil of our hearts and prepare them for a sibling set. The soil of our hearts were then ready to accept, with excitement, an even further step of older children. The desire for a younger child is really gone from my heart. The ages of Judith and Kerby have the potential to be a great thing for our family. The thought of changing diapers, naps, strollers, car seats etc. just does not sound appealing anymore and would really limit the stage that our family is in now. We love to camp and do activities that would be difficult with a younger child.
We believe with all that is in us, and have throughout his whole process, that God began this journey knowing who our child or children were! The whole thing has been about Judith and Kerby from the beginning.......God intended them to be with us and we can't wait until they are home. We have such a peace and contentment that 2 more is the right number. We are not believing or thinking that there are not challenges in 2 more, or that we will not have huge adjustments to make, or that hard times are not to come, but we do know that we can rest in the peace of knowing that God is with us in those and that He did intend for Judith and Kerby to become Hartzell's. During the challenging times, we can rest in that and that is enough !
Choose to make it a good day -- Be thankful for all that we are given and ask God to allow you to be His eyes throughout your day today !
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